A dose of my own medicine

My days here at the monastery are coming to an end. It’s been a rewarding couple of weeks, and now’s the time to contemplate them.

I set out to do some serious thinking, and found my thoughts a rambling mess. The first night (and day) I slept for almost 18 consecutive hours. A mad fire ravaged my brain, and when I finally awoke my body was covered in ashes, my sight hampered by smoke.

One of the things I wanted to think about was whether I should write a book or not. I didn’t have any clear outline for it – in fact, not even a sufficiently consistent idea – and the more I pondered it, the less I felt I needed to write anything at all. In the end, however, I decided, mostly out of stubbornness, that this lack of need was exactly what I was gonna write about.

About half a week down the road I even managed to form some kind of plan for my writing. Within the next six months I’m gonna write one hundred one-session pieces about my chosen subject: necessity. Each piece is to touch upon the theme from a different angle, and I am to approach it in any style of writing I find appropriate when doing the pieces. The only rule being that each piece must be consistent with its own style.

At present I have managed some ten pieces ranging from one sentence …

#12 bourgeois asceticism: The only positive thing I have to say about decency is that it strives to suppress the natural

… to three pages …

#28 an der schönen blauen Donau (a piece about a young man who has unsafe sex with prostitutes in an attempt to fill his live with the meaning of AIDS, and succeeds)

And that’s all you’re gonna get for now. Anyway, they’re written in Danish, and are mostly meant to be browsed through and commented on by myself and my closest critics. I hope to keep up a reasonable output rate when I get back to busyland.

A thing that I didn’t intend to think about (since I hadn’t even considered it) is this blog. It started as a much-needed distraction from my soul-searching, but soon grew into something equally deep-felt. Firstly, it has gotten me into the habit of reading obscure personal blogs written by people living in troubled and insecure parts of the world. Secondly, it has made me try to reach out from the oftentimes unbearably lethargic unreality of Denmark towards a world that actually seems to be happening.

What the future might hold for this blog I can’t say for certain, but I feel convinced that I’m not gonna give up on it. It is both stimulating and reassuring to exchange insights across national and cultural borders, and giving it up would feel somewhat like giving up on reality. And I won’t let that happen again. Escapism is suicide. An option, definitely an option, but one you might like to consider before choosing.

A last big thing that’s happened to me up is this whole obsession with modern day asceticism. I’m not really sure where it will take me just yet, but I’ve started doing some research, and I’ve got an odd feeling this might turn out to be the book that I’ve been wanting to write all along. And, if anything, asceticism touches upon the subject of necessity.

I almost forgot, I have a confession to make too: I have been reading Robert Kernen’s book on ”Building Better Plots”. I’ve always despised these kind of teach-yourself-creativity books, but he actually has some rather good points on prewriting and outlining. Who knows, it might be an inspiration for the more structured approach I need to give the good old novel another go.

In the-not-so-heavy department I’ve also been practising on rolling my own cigarettes, even smoked a couple in the evenings. I’ve considered taking it up as a hobby, but since I can’t stand being hooked on anything but myself that probably won’t happen

All in all, my mind has been stilled, and new seeds of thought planted. Looks like it’s gonna be a good summer after all. I hope to have you all around to enjoy it with me.

Now, that was personal.